"A mighty guard of fire with two-edged swords flaming (which contain the vials of delusion, whose wings are of wormwood and the marrow of salt) have set their feet in the West, and are measured with their ministers. These gather up the moss of the Earth, as the rich man doth his treasure. Cursed are they whose iniquities they are! In their eyes are millstones greater than the Earth, and from their mouths run seas of blood. Their brains are covered with diamonds, and upon their heads are marble stones. Happy is he on whom they frown not. For Why? The Lord of Righteousness rejoiceth in them! Come away, and leave your vials, for the time is such as requireth comfort!" -Anton LaVey, The Satanic Bible
(If anyone knows of more accurate translations than LaVey’s, I’m really interested in reading through them. Thanks)
To make this make sense… And this may become a little personal… My head is hurting today.
My heart is split in two at present, there is the man I want to want me above all else. Perhaps this is because of my ego, but I do truly love him and we’ve been to hell and back and he is a safety blanket, a warm and fuzzy thing that keeps me safe and sane, the lamplight in the distance that always guides me home… This is important to me.
There is the man that wants me, that has wanted me for years, that has known me since before I can remember and that truly KNEW ME before even I knew myself. He’s a badass in everything he does, and I’m coming to realize that he seems to be my complete opposite. He thinks I am perfect, truly believes this, and when I’m with him I feel more perfect than any other time. I would have him, we would move mountains together, in every way, but man #1 requires me to be faithful to him… And well, it would never work as a love triangle anyways.
So I wonder, is #2 truly my opposite, or is he trying to steal me? We get in trouble at times, he’s making my self-preservation very difficult, and he’s got me using drugs again… In an attempt to “secure” (?) our friendship… That’s not enough really to keep me, I’m not a highly addictive person… But the fact that I’m using again is disturbing to me. It drowns out my ambition and leaves me with these fucking headaches.
I don’t want to lose either of these people. I know that if #1 and I split for good, #2 and I will always be together. He’s been here my whole life and I can’t see us ever being apart… So that’s a good thing right? Except for my guilty conscience, right now it is eating at me…
And my head hurts… That’s all.
my boyfriend is throwing food at me…
… :) now its on the floor, best place for it!